Living in the Past

Hey, everybody! What has two thumbs and no internet access at home? THIS GUY RIGHT HERE. The joke doesn't translate all that well into the medium of text, since you can't see me pointing at myself with my thumbs -- but rest assured that it's much funnier in person.

Anyway, yeah, it's been a good few days since I was able to get online from my basement dwelling. Not good news for me! My internet access has been limited to sporadic bursts of computer time at school, which is troublesome for a variety of reasons. Not having a cellphone out here yet, and with no landline in my building, my contact back home has been limited to emails and outgoing VOIP calls on (quite majestically limited) free trial programs. The Library and Information Science program, being particularly concerned with the continuing advancements of modern technology, has online communication specifically woven into its character; several course assignments have their materials online, are to be submitted online, and/or require online readings and research to ensure an understanding of the curriculum. And you'll recall that I still fancy myself a blogger and Uptown columnist, but research and submission only go about as smoothly as you would expect from a wireless connection that consists of futile flashing lights and Local Only notices.

Hell, just keeping up on the outside world has been a task and a half; I didn't even have a TV until Monday, and I only got my hands on one (for ten bucks!) when I finally found out where the Value Village is in this town. But I got it just in time, mind you: preseason hockey has just started up, and the federal election campaign has hit the part where it inevitably devolves into hilariously ill-thought-out verbal miscues. This is always the best part of each Canadian election, isn't it? Just people going out there and coming up with increasingly ridiculous and terrible things to say. How do you top a Liberal candidate claiming that the Jews had inside info on 9-11, or an NDP star candidate claiming that his favourite animal is the "shut-the-tar-sands-down", or a Conservative candidate insisting that immigrants are criminals? Well! With the granddaddy of them all, of course -- the leader of a recognized federal party openly insisting that another party's crime policies will surely lead to underage buttrape!

These are the people that lead and shape our nation! We vote for these people!

Ahhhh, Canadian politics, what a trip. Where was I? Ah, yes. So I'm currently sitting alone in the dead of night, squirreled away in a graduate lounge on campus just for the sake of being online and actually getting everything accomplished. I've got three (!) assignments and an Uptown column due within the next week, plus the now-tricky task of trying to keep in contact with... well, anybody, really.

Ah, well. Minor setbacks! I'm sure I'll be up and about again in no time.