Only Two Rounds to Go in the Stanley Cup Playoffs

In the past two days I have had three different conversations with non-hockey fans who expressed dismay and flabbergast... ment? Flabbergastation? They were surprised, is what I am getting at, that hockey is still being played. Well, surprise! They keep playing hockey, and I keep watching it, and I enjoy myself despite the inevitable defeat of whichever team I decide to pull for.

That second round was awesome hockey, and I defy anyone out there to tell me that it was anything other than awesome hockey. There's no way the third round is going to top it, nor is it going to overshadow the ridiculous and awful ongoing saga of the Phoenix Coyotes, and somehow I suspect that the third round isn't even going to try; at least one of these series is bound to suck out loud, and I think you and I both know which one is the more likely culprit.

So let's just go ahead with the:

Western Conference

(2) Detroit Red Wings vs. (4) Chicago Blackhawks

Yeah, this series started already. I was out and about last night and had an assignment due this afternoon, so in the time it took me to get those out of the way and write this Chicago has already managed to drop game one by three goals. A team scores seven goals on the one goalie who captains his team and they get a little overconfident, maybe. Or maybe Detroit is just that universally god damn good forever and there isn't even any point in discussing this. Where's a pitiful eighth-seeded team to catch them napping and upset them when we need them the most? HELP ME OBI-WAN COYOTES YOU'RE OUR ONLY HOPE

Ha ha ha ha just kidding, the Coyotes are never going to win a playoff series no matter where they end up. Ever. Twenty-two year drought and counting, baby! The Curse of the Jets lives on! (The 'Curse' in question: we were never any good.)

What I'd Want: Chicago in six, wherein they overcome adversity and defeat a Detroit team that is unequivocally at the top of their game so that there can be no accusations of fluking the series victory.
What I'll Guess: Detroit in four. That first awful goal that Khabibulin gave up in game one turns out to be the TSN Turning Point for the entire series, Joel Quenneville lights himself ablaze and lets himself burn rather than face the realization that he has blown it all against Detroit yet again, and I slowly but surely grow to loathe the Red Wings and anyone who has ever held them dear.

Eastern Conference

(4) Pittsburgh Penguins vs. (6) Carolina Hurricanes

Let's not mince words, that Game 7 between Pittsburgh and Washington sucked pretty bad. I left a scoreless game around the middle of the first period to go get some cold medicine (Halls syrup-filled cough drops and Crown Royal whisky, both of which were on sale and both of which I am now out of) and when I got back it was four-nothing Pittsburgh and quite intensely over. (If it makes them feel better, however, I watched the Magic-Celtics game last night and that one was even more of a dog.) The Carolina/Boston series, on the other hand, now that's the kind of game seven I can get behind! What a crazy, up-and-down eventful week Scott Walker had, huh? Starts the week with nobody, even in Carolina, having heard of him; lands the single best one-punch knockout of the season; gets suspended for a game because the one-punch knockout was on a guy who didn't see it coming; comes back from suspension and scores the series-winning overtime goal; finds out almost the day afterwards that his wife has been diagnosed with cervical cancer. I mean, where do you even go from there?

Anyway. When Staals collide! I hope they go Mark and Dale Hunter on each other and just brother-fight for like eight periods straight until it spills over into the kind of hilarious Canadiens-Nordiques epic super-brawl that always makes me grin for a variety of reasons. Here's hoping!

What I'd Want: Oh, who even cares. The last two Stanley Cups that the Red Wings won were against these two teams. I have such hilariously low hopes for either of these squads that it doesn't even matter any more.
What I'll Guess: Pittsburgh in six. Evgeni Malkin fails to show up at all for at least four games and somehow it doesn't even matter. Crosby further cements himself as a superstar, not because of the goals he beats Cam Ward with, but because of the goals he scores to make up for having Marc-Andre Fleury in net behind him.

Playoff hockey! It'll go right to June whether you like it or not!